** A blog disclaimer…This may be a bit boring to some of you, but its been a rough few weeks, and I want to share a few tricks I have learned ..also note..this is working for my child, but it may not work for yours, in fact it may only work for mine for the next 5 minutes…we never really know, do we??**
For the last 2 months, the Salter family has been struggling. That is, until we began Operation “5 minute count down”, and Operation “Choices”, and began using them together. Let me explain. We have a lively, spirited, smart, energetic, hysterical, sweetie pie named Liam, he’s 2 1/2 and he was, until 2 months ago, the answer to our prayers (I’M KIDDING!!! Especially if you just got offended …)
Well, about 2 months ago, we began struggling with every single decision this poor child was involved, or actually NOT involved in. When I say struggle, I mean tortuous, screaming, crying, fighting battles over things like what plate he was using. Now, as a smart mama with lots of supportive smart mama’s around me, I knew I needed to give him more choices. I knew he was beginning to struggle with finding his independence, so I began to make a few changes. We always gave him the biggies ( do you want to take a bath first, or brush teeth first) the things that had to be done, but it was now time to reaallllyyy give him choices. You know, become the PARENT, not just the person on the other side of an argument with a TODDLER for shits sake..( I’m not proud of myself, but its real life…I literally argued with a 2 yr old..).
SO we began letting him choose everything from the color of his diaper ( we had leftovers that were a different color) to his socks, shirt, undershirt, pants and shoes…each time showing him 2 things he could choose from. From clothes, we moved onto activities, breakfast first?, or vitamins first? ( and after a battle over the yellow vitamin, we began letting him choose the color vitamins as well) Let me give you an example of what this sounds like… Me: ” Great choice on your shoes sweetie, okay, time for Breakfast and Vitamins, which would you like first..Breakfast? or Vitamins?” Liam: Nussin!!! ( nothing) Me: “Well Sweet Love, “nothing” isn’t one of the things you get to choose, YOU get to choose between Vitamins or breakfast, either one you want first, you pick” Liam: “bite-a-man” ( Vitamins) Me: “THAT is a GREAT choice! Which color Vitamins would you like, you get 2″ Liam: “Blue” Me: “Well, I would chose Blue also, I love Blue, but there is only Red, Orange and Yellow to choose from”
Anyway, you get the idea..its a lot of work, but it is SO worth it!! The crying and fighting and struggling became less, but at transitions from one thing to another ( examples, Bath to pajamas, or playing to Bath, or TV to Dinner) we were STRIKING OUT!! we were giving Liam 2 minute warnings…it wasn’t enough..So, one day I just decided to try a 5 minute THEN a 2 minute warning…holy Cats it worked! It used to sound like this: Me: “okay bugz…2 minutes until Bath” Liam : WAHHHHHHH ( while kicking and screaming and crying) I DON’T WANT BATTTHHHHH” Me: “Well too effing bad, I am the parent I say its bath time you take A bath when I say because I am the parent and you are 2…..okay it NEVER sounded like that..out
loud..but it might as well have, because thats what the struggles were like..now its like this
( not always..but typically) Me: “Okay Bugz 5 minute warning…pretty soon its going to be bath and brush time and we will have to put toys away”
Liam: “5 minutes?til bath?”
Me: “Yep, 5 minutes and we will have to put toys away so you can take a bath and brush teeth”
( I allow 3 minutes to pass)
Me: “Okay Liam, 2 minutes until pick up time, then its bath and brush time”
Liam: only 2 minutes left Mama? I don’t want to take a bath!!!
Me: Yes, 2 minutes left until we pick up toys.
I let the 2 minutes pass, and typically, we begin picking up, and there is no struggle!! Then we repeat the whole thing over when its time to get out of the bath and into Pajamas…its a lot of work, but again, the struggles we were having were waaay harder…it was so frustrating not being able to enjoy our toddler, I’m serious, and he wasnt happy either, it was a bad mix for both of us, and since I am 32 yrs older than him, I decided to be the adult and take charge of the situation 😉 Its working for now……Until the next phase.
PLEASE…add your toddler parenting tips in a comment..I would LOVE to read them!! 🙂
Happy Friday!
*ps. a special BFF shout out to Kish..who urged me to write this post ;)*
Kim, this is such a great post! Giving kids more choices, especially at this age is so helpful! I’m glad it’s working and he’s so darn cute! I love the pictures!!! 🙂
Thanks Kristie 🙂
HI Kim!
We do the same thing with Alyssa & it worked for quite a while. She will be 3 & a 1/2 May 1st & she’s wising up to us. We ask her:
“Do you want to wear the blue outfit or yellow outfit?”
Alyssa’s response, “No outpit!!! Pin-pess dress (princess dress).
Jen: ” I am not taking you to Home Depot in a Cinderella dress, now pick which outfit you want.”
Alyssa: “No – No outpit!”
Then she gives me a mean look & storms out of the room with her arms crossed & grunts down the hallway. It’s another mild-mannered, beautiful day in the Brown household. 🙂
Kim – what a great post. I think you are such a patient momma! Thanks for sharing what is working for you – this post can help so many (including me!) right after I read it, I started giving Oaks more choices to help us get through an art project that she really wanted to do on her own. She went from frustrated to super proud of her creation (even though I helped). Thanks! Love you!
Thanks Tracie!! I DO NOT feel like A patient mama, but its nice to ehar that!! 🙂
Great post Kim! I’m going to recommend that my sister subscribes so that when my nephew is Liam’s age, she can benefit from all of your tenacious patience!!! And Liam is just about the cutest bugz that I have ever seen!
This is such wonderful advice! Definitely storing it away in the “save for later” file! And I agree with Emily, Cutest.Bug.Ever.
Thank you bonniebelle 😉