Infertility and the Best Design EVER

Mothers day is tomorrow. This is a day that stirs so many emotions. If you are pregnant for the first time, its so exciting to think..Next Mothers day, I will be a MAMA!! ( I was there almost 3 yrs ago) If you are not a mom, and you want to be one, its a painful reminder of what you haven’t yet achieved ( i have been there..over..and over..and over). If you have ever lost a pregnancy, or a child, its a painful reminder of what you thought was to be ( many friends have been there). If you have lost your own mother, its a painful reminder of what you once had, and hopefully, a joyous reminder of what you once had (I am there now, and think I always will be). And, if you have been blessed with the little soul that found its way to you, it is the most amazing day of the year!(Thank you god, that I can say I am there NOW!!) I have a swirl of emotions every single Mothers day ( especially in the last 3 years) because I myself, or close close friends, have experienced at least one, if not all of the above emotions, either for themselves, or through someone else.

So…In honor of Mothers day tomorrow, I  am going to share my journey,(well, the cliff notes of our journey) of the best Design Project I have ever been involved in, maybe it will help someone else who hasn’t quite made it to the other side yet, but are about to, and if nothing else, help people see Infertility in a different way.

SO, I called this a design project (aka, creating a human)  ..and when I say “project”, I mean it in every sense of the word…grueling hours, tears, sweat, and pain when we weren’t successful, tears, sweat and joy, when we were..long hours/days/weeks/months of medicine, and appointments, and a roller coaster of emotion that no one understands, unless you have been on this ride called: INFERTILITY!!

Its amazing how society has begun to actually embrace infertility, and women have began to be so much more open about their journeys, and how it effects them. With Celebrities like Giuliana Rancic, and Rosie Pope being so open and honest, it has created a whole new buzz, which in turn, opens up new avenues to help other women who are dealing with the same thing. Bravo ( no pun intended)  to both of them for being brave enough to share it with the world! Ps…and I LOVE both of their shows!! 😉

For G and I, the journey started..um..about when I was 4….well, okay, so it was really MY journey then, G jumped on about 20 yrs later…I always wanted to be a mommy, and always believed in my heart, that when I decided to, it would happen. I had no reason to believe any different. I was wrong.

Fast forward 20 yrs, Grant and I are both 24, just married ( babies ourselves, right???) and decide we are ready to start the parenthood journey!! assuming it would be 2 or 3 months…the first 7 months went by, very casually I might add, and then the dreaded 1 yr mark! The gate that, on one side, holds a viable, healthy , young, couple able to conceive on their terms, on the other side, the dreaded label of INFERTILITY..that’s how I felt anyway….My Dr. at the time, jumped right on the one year mark, and explained to me that it really should only take about a year of really trying ( meaning charting, and checking, and timing UGH, which by the way, I refuse to go into detail, because there REALLY is so much detail when it comes to everything I just mentioned and this design blog would literally take you an hour and a half to read!!) Many tests later, we found out that we were some of the lucky ones dealing with infertility..why?? because they actually decifered what the problem was!! Yipppeee ( really??)

Fast forward another 8 yrs, G and I are in New York, after an amazing opportunity arose for him when we were 28, and because, we had no kids, we were able to follow a small dream on a whim, and create a new life here. When we were about 27, still in MI, we stopped the fertility insanity…we needed a break, a break from allowing every single thought to be on whether or not it was THE month, and then tears and heartache, each month on the 28th day, when mother nature screamed in my face “HAHA..not this month, try again!!”  I’d had it, I bowed out, I stopped the train, at least on the outside…I could not tell one more person the repeated answer to the ever so popular question, “When are you gonna have babies??!!” our answer, “When God blesses us with one”, or “When its meant to be” (PUKE PUKE PUKE..UGH) Here is the thing.. we, as a people, LOVE babies, and all things that have to do with babies…we want everyone to be happy, and every time someone asked us this question, it came from a place of excitement. The funny thing is, that even with the experience I have had, I STILL find myself asking other people this question!! Can you believe that!!?? and every time I do, I think to myself..SHUT UP..you don’t know what they have tried, or been through. Also, as soon as I hear the ever so popular “well, its really in gods hands”, after I ask the question…my heart breaks a little.

Its now 2008, I have an AH-MAzING DR……He calms me every time I see him, crying and carrying on about how I want to be pregnant, but now I am 30 and getting older and, and..and…and he says very calmly, “Kim, you WILL be a mom, its just a matter of “when” and “how”, not a matter of “If” and ” I will get you pregnant” ( hee-hee..that was my favorite answer..my tears turned into a massive belly laugh that day)….it literally was a game changer when he said those words to me…I was READY to jump back on the crazy train…and I mean CUH-RAY-zEE ( more in a minute on that) He referred us to  a great Fertility Dr. in New Jersey, where we began the brutal, but exciting process of fertility treatments!! YAAAY!!Now, for anyone who has experienced this, you know that its a roller coaster, as everyone describes, you know what the actual chances are of getting pregnant, and what they are not..but some crazy thing inside us, says, “well, I have struggled for 8 yrs…but NOW, now, I am doing a fertility treatment, so I am positive it will work”…at the very least, you say these things out loud 170 times a night because you want to stay positive, and no negativity, no stress…its all just a mess of craziness I tell you!! Don’t even get me started on the hormone therapy and what Chlomid does to a level headed girl like myself, when I tell you I literally was THIS CLOSE to punching my husband in the face one night because he wanted to show me a better way to cut onions, its an understatement..and right after the threat, I fell to the floor in a massive cry fest that lasted 20 mins where my loving husband, who was almost punched in the face, had to tell me again, that its going to be ok, and he loves  me, and our baby is just around the corner, its gonna happen..sigh..a round of applause please to the men who stick by the women going through all of this…Sigh..I would not have made it with out G.

We did insemination 4 times, 3 fails…..and one BIG FAT POSITIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was voting day when I saw the 2 lines, and my husband was the most sick I have ever seen, he had the flu and bronchitis so bad, that he could barely muster enough strength to get out of bed at Midnight when the line turned pink..midnight, by the way, because I knew that on the 4th of November, I could take my first pregnancy test to see if this last insemination had worked.It did.  A crazy side note for anyone who believes in signs and spirits..my mom passed away October 16th of 2000…our last attempt at insemination was October 16th of 2008…and it worked…so now every year on the anniversary of my moms death, We also celebrate the greatest anniversary ever, the day little Liam was conceived. I cant think of a better gift from my mom than that.

10 months passed, my ever growing belly and the extra 50 pounds were taking their tole, and my water finally broke, on July 14th 2009…baby Liam Miller Salter, was born at 1:57 am on July 15th, and the moment I held him in my arms, I knew, deep in my being, that this crazy journey we had just been on, was all intentional, it was meant to be, we were meant to not get pregnant, so we could make it to New York, to finally meet this little soul who was waiting for us. I have had people ( this is the honest to gods truth) ask me if I will tell Liam that he was conceived through insemination…After I correct the people, and tell them, that Liam was actually conceived though love, and that the insemination process was just Liam’s ticket to get him to us, I tell them Yes. I am so proud of the journey we all took, to get to where we are now, Insemination, and fertility treatments enhanced our lives more than anything ever will, it brought our baby to us, and that, is something I will always be open and honest about, I will NEVER be embarrassed about using fertility treatments. It was a gift and a blessing that we were able to be surrounded by amazing Dr.s who could help us through this miracle.

Happy Mothers day 🙂